


swim good

by weweredancing



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i suggest you listen first, im bad with tags, inspired by the song, swim good by hui
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 02:59:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weweredancing/pseuds/weweredancing
Summary: swim swim good





	swim good

**swim good**

 

**_i. “your back view is beautiful”_ **

Jinho is drowning.

He can’t breathe, can’t think—can’t sing.

But he is. He has to.

He is singing in this room, the lounge room, on a cruise ship sailing the high seas. He is singing but he isn’t at the same time. He’s opening his mouth, sound forming into words, words trailing along rich melodies and floating in the atmosphere of the room, sinking into walls.

He is on stage, with a crowd in front of him and with ivory keys on shiny black beds beneath his fingers. His fingers are skipping across pristine white keys, tapping along tiny black bars and his feet are pressing on brass pedals. It’s a normal night, he tells himself.

But it isn’t.

He tries to focus his vision, a difficult task to do when you’re on stage with the blinding lights trained at you.

The crowd is the sea and he is the shore. _Don’t let the crowd overtake you, or else you’ll be gone_. He reminds himself time and time again but with each song, each night he has to spend on this ship; it never seems to get easier. He looks over at the bar counter, the backs of the people to him. It’s his favorite place to look at because no one is looking back at him. He continues to scan the area, feeling his throat loosen, his voice lifting, until he meets a pair of brown eyes and his voice suddenly drops. But he saves it with a smooth and soft trill. He is a professional, after all.

The eyes belong to the man at the very center of the bar. He was turning his back before but had turned to the front. The man is staring at him intently. Jinho looks down and finishes off his last song with a short piano exhibition. He is banging his head and his fingers weave across the board, spinning rhythm and melodies.

He hears lazy applause and looks up.

He’s done.

He stands up, takes a bow and slowly walks off the stage.

*

It’s dark in the lounge but since the only light in the room is trained at the stage, Hongseok could see him clearly. They make eye contact but before anything can happen, the singer looks away and resumes singing. Hongseok raises an eyebrow at the pleasant shyness and continues staring. He eyes the singer’s blond hair, blinding in the light, and trails down and over the curve of his neck. He focuses on his lips in particular, pink and noticeably soft. Hongseok unconsciously licks his own lips.

But of course, aside from his attractive features, it was his voice that initially caught Hongseok’s interest. He had his back turned to the stage before but when that voice, unbroken and broken at the same time, filled the room, he turned around.

Thinking it’s the best decision he has ever made, he sips from his glass of wine and raises his eyebrows in delightful surprise as the singer performs a short piano piece. It’s packed and tugs at Hongseok’s heartstrings.

And it was in this moment that he swears, he will have him.

And he always gets what he wants.

*

The applause still echoes in Jinho’s ears as he exits the lounge. He breathes in the salty sea air and walks down to the pool, hands in his pockets. It’s cold and Jinho’s itching for a smoke. Smoking after a performance always calms him down a bit. To Jinho, it was a cleansing ritual.

He arrives at the poolside and sits down on a lounge chair. He takes out a cigarette, lights it, reclines on the chair, and smokes. He places his left hand under his head and stares up at the night sky. Performing always scares him but he loves it. It’s the irony at work in Jinho’s life and he’s been grappling with it ever since he could remember.

He continues to smoke, lost in his thoughts, when someone blocks the light. He looks up and finds the man with the brown eyes looking down at him. Jinho stops smoking and narrows his eyes at the stranger. He observes him, from his strong jaw, to his full lips, to his slender neck, then to his built torso. Jinho stops before he could lose control of himself and snaps his eyes back up. The handsome stranger flashes him a bright smile, sending waves of heat all over Jinho’s body.

“Hey there.” Deep, warm.

The stranger moves to take the chair beside Jinho. As the stranger takes his seat, Jinho is drawn to the silver watch on his wrist. He scans the expensive suit of the stranger and traces the way the suit nicely frames his muscles.

There’s a long stretch of silence before Jinho realizes that he was staring for too long. The stranger smirks at him and all is lost. Jinho swears inwardly.

The stranger cocks his head to the side and clears his throat. “Hey there.”

*

Hongseok is too amused at the situation to get angry at the singer’s lack of response. With every passing second, he’s liking what he sees more and more. From where he is sitting, he notices the singer’s soft cheeks, the freckles on his face and neck, and the clincher—his height. He’s relatively short and Hongseok could not get enough of this information.

“Yeah, hey.” The singer responds at last, his voice just as melodious and _stimulating_ as what Hongseok had hoped it would be but it was, surprisingly, deep. He smiles and gets comfortable on the lounge chair, his eyes never leaving the blond beside him. He stares as the singer takes a drag from his cigarette, focuses on the pouty lips around the stick, and the muscles on his throat flexing as he sucks it in.

“Excuse me if I sound too rude, but may I ask why you’re here?” Hongseok snaps out from his daze.

“You have a wonderful voice.” Jinho looks at the beautiful stranger with a blank look. He takes pride in his talent but his caution towards this situation is making him act contrary to how he always acts around compliments.

“Thank you. I do my best.” He tries to take the compliment as professionally as he can, like he had been taught to do.

“Oh, indeed.” The stranger leans forward, rests his elbow on his knee and places his chin on the palm of his hand, looking at Jinho in a thoughtful manner.

“You do have a wonderful voice. I was captivated,” The stranger fixes his brown eyes at Jinho. “But strangely, it felt like you weren't. Were you?”

Jinho’s ears popped. He was hearing nothing but the rush of the waves below them, the motion of the ship as it cuts through the violent waters around them. It was a muted experience, the sounds and noises passing him by and pushing him off his axis. He could hear everything and nothing at the same time. A painfully odd experience.

“W-what?” He whispers, eyes wide in fear. Fear of what, he doesn’t know. At being caught, at being stripped of all his insecurities and complexes, at being laid bare in front of a man he has never met before?

“Despite the upbeat tune, your sound was... melancholic. Like a loud, silent scream,” The stranger catches Jinho’s wide eyes. “It’s like you were crying.”

Jinho feels tears stream down his face. Was he crying?

Has he always been crying?

From his blurry vision, he sees the stranger get up and kneel before him. He feels warm fingers, a contrast to his cold face, wipe away the tears. He is frozen. He couldn’t move, doesn’t have it in him to reject the kindness of the stranger in front of him. The man cups his cheek, thumb moving in circles in a calming gesture. Jinho is still crying, his heart beating fast, and his palms sweating.

The stranger moves forward until their noses are almost touching. Jinho takes heavy breaths, eyes stinging from his tears. The stranger fixes his gaze upon Jinho and they make some sort of agreement. A beat passes and the stranger crashes his lips on top of Jinho’s. It was heat on heat and Jinho is drowning in it. He kisses the stranger back furiously, his hands tugging at his hair in a frantic manner, as if the man in his arms were his lifesaver. The stranger has his hands on Jinho’s waist, exploring the canvass of soft skin underneath his shirt. He clings onto him just as much as the stranger does to him.

Jinho lets out a small yelp as the stranger hoists him up, forcing Jinho’s legs to circle around his strong hips. Jinho’s too lost in the kiss to care about where he is taking him. Take him down to the waters, he doesn’t care. Anywhere is fine. He really doesn’t care anymore.

 

**_ii. “1 plus 0/ the moment/ we become one”_ **

Jinho doesn’t recall how and when he lost his clothes but he doesn’t think much of it. They are in one of the luxury suites on the cruise ship, on the bed, feeling each other. It’s a fierce battle of kisses and bites as Jinho almost rips apart the expensive button down shirt of the stranger.

The stranger chuckles in the middle of sucking on Jinho’s neck and says, “Easy now.”

Jinho furrows his eyebrows and forces the head of the stranger back down to his neck. “I wouldn’t have to be so forceful if you just took them all off _right now_.”

“But where would be the fun in that?” The stranger winks and trails kisses all over Jinho’s torso, sucking on his nipples along the way, making Jinho cry out in a fit of helpless whimpers.

Breathing heavily, Jinho grabs a fistful of the stranger’s hair and brings his face closer to his, “I don’t even know your name.”

A moment of silence. “Now where would be the fun in that?”

Jinho sighs in frustration and makes a move to stand up, despite his lower body protesting, but before he could completely slide off the bed, the stranger pulls him back and positions himself above him, a strong arm on both sides of Jinho’s head.

“Uh-uh. You’re not leaving tonight, Jo Jinho.” The man above him says in a very deep bedroom voice, sending Jinho’s lower part haywire. He doesn’t question how the stranger knows his name because the answer is the suite they are currently in; money, power, looks, and charm—affluence of the highest degree.

Jinho makes a bold move and reaches down, cups the member of the stranger through his clothes. He hears the stranger’s breath hitch and Jinho smirks. He lifts his head, positions his lips beside the ear of the stranger, musters up the huskiest voice he can and says, “Please, _daddy?_ ”

That seems to have done the trick as the stranger pushes him down back to the sheets and fixes him with hazy, indulgent, _delicious_ dark chocolate eyes. “Hongseok.”

Jinho visibly shivers at hearing the name. Hongseok seems to have seen it because he chuckles lowly and nibbles on Jinho’s ears.

“Don’t worry, baby, you’ll be screaming my name so loud, you’ll forget your own.” Hongseok bites down and the blond releases a sharp gasp.

After Hongseok’s initial exploration of his ears and neck, Hongseok goes back up to capture Jinho’s lips in a searing kiss. It’s filled with promise— a bittersweet feeling, a strange balance of danger and warmth.

Hongseok kisses every inch of Jinho’s body, red marks all over his milky white skin. Jinho returns the favor, biting at and suckling on Hongseok’s beautiful tanned skin. Hongseok stops for a while and gazes down at Jinho. He was a beautiful mess beneath him, blond hair a sharp contrast to the white sheets, his cheeks flushed red, his mouth wide open as he breathes heavily, the pristine white sheets curling around the right places of his body. He looks like an angel, whose wings were crying beneath him, as he bares himself to Hongseok. He’s falling, drowning, slipping, Hongseok notices, and damn it if Hongseok wouldn’t save him.

They were both bare now, from head to toe. Full on, skin on skin.

Hongseok inserts his fingers, stretches, has Jinho calling out his name in that wonderful voice of his. Jinho writhes under him and he sucks on the freckles on his neck to calm him down. After a while, he gets ready and enters. The suite is filled with strangled cries of names, of endings and of beginnings. Hongseok slams into Jinho fast and steady and Jinho reciprocates, kissing and biting every inch of Hongseok he could. He bites into Hongseok’s shoulder with a loud cry as he rides it out with Hongseok.

Jinho's a hollow shell but Hongseok fills him.

 

**_iii. “i’ll give you/the thing trapped in my heart”_ **

It goes on, night after night. It would start with subtle glances along the ship hallways, brushing of hands along crowded corridors, exchanging of looks in the lounge room. Then they’d be dancing around in the sheets, laughing, kissing— sweet, warm, and wet exchanges in Hongseok’s room. Sometimes, when the tides deem so, they’d hole up in Hongseok’s suite, strawberries in Jinho’s mouth and champagne in their hands. Then, they’d be talking; a bartering of secrets.

“How did you realize your love for singing?” Hongseok asks as he lies down on Jinho’s lap, with Jinho’s fingers carding through his hair. It is almost early morning and they are on the bed, with red wine in their hands and a chocolate cake beside them. Hongseok was craving for a chocolate cake and had ordered one to be brought to the room. Jinho has no right to complain about his expensive tendencies. He is rich, after all (something Jinho has deduced and has never heard from Hongseok himself).

“Hm…” Jinho ponders on the question, not expecting Hongseok to ever ask the question. Jinho chews on the question, literally and figuratively, almost bites his own cheek when he feels a large, warm hand on his cheek, caressing in a soft embrace. Jinho looks down and meets Hongseok’s smile. He smiles back.

“I started learning how to play the piano when I was 9 years old due the influence of my parents. My father was an excellent pianist and my mother was a great singer. They would perform _everywhere_ and it was such a beautiful sight to see their audience enjoying their stage. Their performances were always so warm and lively,” Hongseok watches as Jinho’s smile slowly turns into a frown. “And… I realized it too late. That I was chasing after a bright star that I could never reach. I was trying to be them too much, placed myself in a mold that I could never fit in and before you knew it, music became both a fear and passion of mine—a cage I never want to leave...”

The ticking of the clock. Jinho gasps and hurriedly adds, “Oh, sorry! I was rambling, I didn’t—“

Hongseok sits up and kisses him. It was a chaste kiss. They break away and Jinho licks his lips and tastes chocolate.

“Don’t apologize.” Hongseok smiles and his eyes catch the light. He’s looking at Jinho warmly, always the blessed sun upon Jinho’s shaky waters. Jinho gingerly reaches out to play with Hongseoks fingers and Hongseok looks down, wiggling them. They share a soft smile and Hongseok grabs Jinho’s hand, raises it to his lips and kisses each of his fingers. Jinho’s heart shatters into pieces and sinks into the ocean.

“We have something in common then, although our circumstances may be different.”Jinho looks up at Hongseok with glassy eyes. Hongseok kisses his palm, now, then continues to kiss his wrist.

“My parents wanted me to inherit their company. It didn’t help that I was the youngest. I had to endure so much _hate_ from the brothers I loved. It was so hard to repress my potential just so that I would not overshadow my brothers. I started doing drugs, would go out to drink at bars, and fuck around on a daily basis. I tried my best to become a nuisance just so that my parents wouldn’t choose me so that I could keep my brothers’ love but ultimately, they found out.” Hongseok releases a humorless laugh. “Who knew that that kind of lifestyle would lead me to not only inherit the company but receive the loathing of my brothers? I found their illegal businesses and stupidly, confided in my uncle. God knows how much I don’t trust him anymore. This wealth was something I never wanted but was forced to have in the end.”

Hongseok looks up and cups Jinho’s cheek. “But if it led me here, to a cruise that my friends forced me to go on so I could take a break, with an amazing, gorgeous, funny, _cute_ , and talented singer then I guess it was all worth it.”

Jinho frowns. Hongseok’s eyes are quickly drawn to his pouty lips. “Cute?”

“Out of all the things I said, that’s what you got?” Hongseok clicks his tongue and pulls Jinho into his arms.

Jinho just laughs against Hongseok and kisses his chest, on the area where his heart is. “We sound very unhappy, don’t we? About our past and… our present.”

The past is a roaring wave, relentless and overwhelming. It’s something that Jinho doesn’t want to uncover for fear of hidden feelings coming to light. And so, he thinks it’s better that it stays here, the shape of their words, in this moment, in this shared space, forever.

Hongseok hums and tightens his arms around Jinho. “Well, I would say I’m very happy right now, right here. With you.”

Jinho sighs and buries his head on Hongseok’s shoulder. “Me too.”

Hongseok rests his head on Jinho’s.

They both feel content but as tides crash against calm shores, there is something left in the air.

_How about the future?_

Jinho knows this. Hongseok knows this. But they leave it fizzling in the air, bound to spark into a flame, to crash and burn.

 

**_iv. “when I am with you/ we are like puzzles that match”_ **

It is almost dusk when Jinho wakes, his head on Hongseok’s chest and Hongseok’s arm around his stomach. It’s cold but the warmth of Hongseok’s body and the sheets cover Jinho’s body. Hongseok stirs beneath Jinho and he moves to rest his arms on Hongseok’s chest, head atop his arms. Hongseok’s lids flutter open and Jinho smiles up at him.

“Mornin’.” Hongseok whispers and rubs his hand up and down Jinho’s bare back. Jinho smiles softly and hums, the hands of Hongseok on his back a comforting presence.

“The first time we met,” Jinho starts, whispering because he doesn’t want to disturb the peaceful atmosphere between them. “Why did you say what you said?”

Hongseok, flustered by the question and still a bit dazed from his sleep, takes a while to respond, shifting himself in the bed so that he is clutching Jinho tighter to his chest.

“Your song felt sad… bittersweet in a way, actually. It’s as if you were crying, loudly and yet no one could hear you. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. Passion, satisfaction, and _fear_.” Hongseok stares off into the distance, seemingly lost.  

Jinho stays quiet, taken back to the first time they met when he felt those crashing emotions. He feels them again, like he’s trapped in a room, no windows, no doors, no escape, with the space gradually being filled with water. It reaches his ankles, then his calves, then his knees. Then the water completely engulfs him and he panics but he can breathe. But he still clutches at his throat, tries to swim upwards, but there is no escape. But he can breathe.

Water is everywhere.

“Jinho?” Hongseok breaks through the water, his hand a saving grace as Jinho clutches it, eager to return to the air.

“I’m terrified of performing and I love it at the same time.” Jinho whispers, carefully treading shallow waters, looking anywhere but at Hongseok. “That’s why I’m here. Perhaps as training? The people are always the same, the ship only heading to one destination. It’s practice every day, a routine I can train myself to get used to. Consistency, stability, and direction—the balance I need to get my life on.”

Jinho lifts his head, feeling the load on his chest and shoulders lighten.

Hongseok meets his eyes and after a while of searching, brushes his lips against Jinho’s. Hongseok’s always in that place where he is a good distance away from Jinho. He can reach out to touch him but only until there. Hongseok wants more. He knows it’s a tall order but he wants to try.

“Is it getting easier?”

“No. Not really.”

“Is there… anything I can do?”

“For now,” Jinho kisses Hongseok’s cheek, trails along his jawline and kisses his neck. “This is enough.”

Hongseok smiles genuinely. “This and _more_. I promise.”

 

**_v. “love me like this/ be by my side baby/ please don’t hide”_ **

_Don’t make promises you can’t keep;_ a soft trickle of a whisper at the back of Jinho’s mind before he wakes.

Then Jinho wakes up to a hushed voice. He blinks his eyes, trying to focus on the silhouette that is standing near the windows. It’s still dark inside the room save for the lone lamp casting shadows on the lines of Hongseok’s bare back. He’s wearing his casual joggers, one hand in the pocket and the other around a phone he is currently talking into. Jinho blearily examines the shape of his back, taking in the dips and shadows around his muscles. _Taut_ muscles. Jinho frowns. There must be something wrong. Jinho hears a sigh and sees Hongseok run a hand through his hair in frustration.

Jinho just stares, not knowing how to offer comfort during times like these. After all, this is the first time he’s seen Hongseok like this.

“How many of them?” Hongseok’s clipped tone set deadweight in the entire room. He’s distressed, frustrated, maybe even helpless. Jinho could only gather as much and silently tries to sit up in bed. In the silence of the room, Hongseok must’ve heard or must’ve seen Jinho’s moving shadow, and turned to look at the blond on the bed.

Their gazes meet and Jinho sees clouds. He tries to offer a comforting smile but before he could, Hongseok turns away, hurriedly says his farewell, and throws his phone across the couch near him.

The silence is deafening. For this time, Jinho could only hear his heartbeat and the soft sounds of the waves outside.

“How much did you hear?” Hongseok asks from where he is standing. With his body turned towards Jinho, he looks even more forlorn. The yellow glow from the lamp only hits one side of his face while the other side is masked in total darkness. The muscles of his arms and his torso are more defined now as the lamp’s light licks and teases between showing skin and keeping the skin in darkness.

Jinho’s heart starts beating faster and he says, “Just the last part and nothing else.” Jinho’s afraid but he doesn’t know if this is the right time to for painfully honest declarations.

Jinho notices a shift in Hongseok’s expression and he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to feel hurt by this. Their relationship is still a boat lost at sea. Jinho knows that they can’t remedy this and he’s surprisingly fine with _whatever_ they have going on. But he knows this has to end before it’s too late.

But with his heart thudding so hard that it _physically_ pained him— it might already be too late.

Hongseok sighs and walks forward to sit on the bed. His back is to Jinho again, and he runs his fingers through his hair, holding his head up in a struggle for self-control. Jinho gingerly reaches out to touch his back.

When his relatively cool hand touched Hongseok’s warm back, he feels Hongseok’s muscles start to loosen. Hongseok’s beginning to breathe evenly now, seeking home in Jinho’s calming yet hesitant touches.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Hongseok bids the tense atmosphere goodbye. “My lawyers just called me and… and told me that my brothers’ were planning a company overhaul. It’s already started, all the bribery and blackmail—any method to get my executives to kick me out of power. I don’t understand. They’re my family—we’re family! Why…”

Jinho’s hand stops. Hongseok turns his head towards Jinho and Jinho is struck with the expression of Hongseok. Vulnerability, his eyes a window into a soul that’s silently aching, heart  breaking at the betrayal.

“Jinho, I-“ Jinho moves closer and captures Hongseok’s lips, swallows all the dangerous secrets Hongseok is bound to regret to have ever disclosed in his current broken state.

In the silence of the night, they could only hear each other. Quick gasps and wet slaps, tongue on tongue, lips on lips. Jinho takes the initiative, feels Hongseok’s body still shaking as he almost drowns in his emotions.

He’s been saved by Hongseok so many times since _this_ started, and tonight, he decides, it’s time he saves Hongseok.

Jinho takes Hongseok’s bottom lip and sucks, biting down and laps at it with his tongue. He hears Hongseok release a shaky breath and belatedly realizes the tears streaming down his face. Jinho gets caught in a moment of shock but shakes it off quickly, his heart aching as he kisses off Hongseok’s lips and travels to his cheeks. Jinho kisses the tears away, salt in his mouth. He cards his fingers through Hongseok’s hair in a massaging motion, wanting him to not feel the outside world and only feel Jinho.

Jinho vows to completely take Hongseok’s world, empty it out, shake it clean and fill it with him. Just for tonight.

Tonight, it’s just him and he’ll make sure Hongseok will remember that.

Jinho pulls away for a brief moment and studies Hongseok’s glassy eyes.

He repeats his thoughts out loud, a silent poem crafted in the barest yet heaviest moments of the night. Hongseok’s sharp intake of breath hits Jinho’s ears and he continues his prayers, whispering sweet love into Hongseok’s ears. Jinho leaves Hongseok slightly calmed down and begins to suck and nip at Hongseok’s neck. He wants to leave marks and if the chance it might be forever engraved into Hongseok’s heart is small, physical ones would have to do.

Satisfied, Jinho places his hand on Hongseok’s chest and slowly pushes him down to lean against the headboard. Hongseok stays quiet and carefully watches with a glint in his eyes that sends warmth straight to Jinho’s groin. Not breaking eye contact with Hongseok, Jinho lifts his fingers to his mouth before pushing them in and sucking on them as if they were tasty lollipops. Hongseok loses and breaks contact to stare at Jinho’s mouth. Hongseok’s breathing a little more heavily now, catching what the blond is going to do.

Jinho, too into it, starts moaning as he keeps on thrusting and sucking on his fingers. He has to make sure they’re all wet, wet and ready for his own taking. Finally, he pops them off.

“Don’t you dare look away from me, Hongseok. This is for you. All for you.” Jinho whispers before reaching down to his own hole, teasing and pushing inwards, readying himself for Hongseok.

Hongseok stares at Jinho with a blazing intensity, an electric current so powerful that Jinho could almost feel it, searing into his skin. And before he knows it, his entire body is soaked in heat, drowning, basking in the attention of Hongseok’s eyes. He moans and groans as he continues inserting and pushing his fingers, stretching himself as much as he could. He feels his own cock stirs and he stops. He doesn’t know if he’s ready enough but if pain is the price of taking Hongseok in sooner, he can deal with it.

Hongseok is leaning against the headboard, his knees up and parted. It’s like a throne and Jinho would soon sit on, ride them both into bliss.

Jinho plants his feet on either side of Hongseok, his hands on the younger’s lean chest, the tips of Hongseok’s cock almost in his entrance. Jinho stalls, kisses Hongseok one last time before impaling himself on Hongseok. He did it too fast, too early and he screams. The pain clouding his vision before it dissipates into sweet, pure pleasure. Bliss.

Hongseok groans in ecstasy and curls his hands on Jinho’s waist. He’s about to thrust upwards, eager to join in Jinho’s activity when Jinho shakes his head.

“Let me do this.” He says. Hongseok stops and gives Jinho his usual smile. _We’re getting there. Don’t worry, I’ll make you temporarily forget your troubles, Hongseok._

“Tonight, I’ll make you forget _everything_ ,” Jinho whispers. “Are you up for it?”

Hongseok places a hand at the back of his neck and brings him down for a brief, wet kiss and grins. “Do your worst, Jo Jinho. I’m all yours.”

Jinho nods and starts to move up and down, lost in the energy, lost in the charge atmosphere. Shouts of pleasure, moans, gasps—let the waters in and let them swim upwards together. 

 

**_vi. “even when everything changes/ my heart towards you will never change”_ **

“Come with me.”

Jinho stops, his heart thudding. He lifts his face from where it is, between Hongseok’s legs and under the covers. He’s aware his mouth is hanging, his eyes are wide with shock and his eyebrows furrowed. He’s confused and torn.

Hongseok, quick as always, catches the waves of emotions from Jinho and sits up straight, grabs Jinho’s hands and pulls him up to rest on his chest. They’re in bed, lying down with Jinho on top of Hongseok’s chest. Chest on chest, heart on heart.

“Jo Jinho, come with me. Leave this place and let’s live a life together.” He repeats and Jinho is still left shaken. His mind is swirling, with the possibilities of what could become and what could end. There’s a reason he chose to be on this ship.

“Be with me. You won’t have to worry about anything, I’ll provide for you, I’ll get you a new job—I’ll give you everything.” Hongseok says in one breath, insistent and pleading with a note of fear. Fear… something is creeping up at the back of Jinho’s neck. It’s some sort of discomfort with a mix of wistfulness.

“Hongseok,” Jinho starts and sits up, straddling Hongseok’s hips as Hongseok adjusts and leans on the headboard. “D-do you know what you’re saying?” He stutters and breaks off into a whisper. Jinho’s heart is beating so fast, so heavily.

Hongseok take a sharp breath, balks and looks away.

“Hongseok,” Jinho whispers again, caressing the side of Hongseok’s face and then nudges his face to look into his eyes. “What…what are we, really? I know we’ve never talked about it befo—“

Jinho stops, feeling Hongseoks finger on his lips. Hongseok’s silencing him, looking deeply into Jinho’s eyes with a new vigor in his eyes. “This has been the best weeks of my life and now, it seems like I finally know. Jinho, we’re everything but we can be _more_. I…I love you.”

Jinho’s eyes are starting to burn as tears start to well up in his eyes. _Love_. He has to say something, has to respond but his voice is caught in his throat. For the first time in his life, his voice fails him. His heart squeezes.

“I love you, Jo Jinho. Be with me.” There’s a crazed note that Jinho catches again, a hysterical insistence that threatens the lightness of Jinho’s heart. Jinho loves Hongseok too, deeply, madly but he stops and takes it easy. He’s learned about falling too much.

“I love you too, Hongseok. So much, in fact.” Jinho releases a small laugh as Hongseok beams. “But I can’t help but think… if what we’re both saying is true…”

“What?”

Jinho looks at Hongseok, tears streaming down his face. He’s leading himself back to the waves, he knows this but he’s not the type of person to take risks.

“What if we’re just saying it out of convenience?” Jinho looks away, aware of Hongseok’s breathing. “We’re…we’re lost in this constant cycle of drowning and saving each other, drowning and saving, drowning and saving but what if that’s all there is to it?”

Jinho takes another deep breath and holds Hongseok’s dark gaze. “We’re still drowning, Hongseok.”

 “What do you mean ‘drowning’? If you want to go on this metaphor then so be it!” Hongseok shifts from stillness to the raging sea. “All this time, I thought we’ve been swimming, with a semblance of salvation. That maybe we could escape this together! We had saved each other countless of times, isn’t it better to focus on those! Don’t tell me it was only me! Don’t. Please. Don’t.” And there it was again, that hysteria. Jinho won’t let go of it this time. There’s a reason Hongseok is acting this way.

“Hongseok, you only want me for security.” Jinho’s small voice brings the deafening silence. It’s selfish. Selfish for Hongseok to assume that Jinho would be okay with leaving the safest haven he had built so laboriously. It wasn’t hard, making this a home but it was home nonetheless. A home that he’s just not ready to leave _yet_.

“How much space do I hold in your heart, Hongseok? Or is there even space? I-I’m not fully sure about what I’m feeling but I care for you, Hongseok, but I don’t think the time… is right.” Jinho hesitates for a bit but then reaches out to run his fingers through Hongseok’s hair. Hongseok is not looking at him but doesn’t fight his hands either. He’s in deep thought, his eyebrows furrowing and his chest moving up and down steadily.

They stay like this for a few minutes but it felt like hours. Jinho’s heart is aching, and he is rethinking whatever he said. Should he have taken it—maybe he should take it back? He can’t afford to lose someone again, maybe he should—

“We’ll be arriving tomorrow, won’t we?” Hongseok looks back at Jinho with a hard stare. Jinho feels air escape his lungs. “See you, then.”

And so, with a heavy heart and with his mind in turmoil, Jinho stands, hastily puts on his clothes and ran. Running away from the waters crashing in.

 

**_vii. “i will remember/ even strands of your hair”_ **

Jinho looks out at open sea, feeling the salty sea air against his face. They are currently docking, back near land. Jinho’s mind is still fresh, his heart still aching at what had transpired last night. He’s still running on regrets, berating himself for being so foolish. He’s such a fool. He looks down right after he feels tears start to fall.

He’s about to reach for his handkerchief when he feels a warm hand on his back. He jumps and looks to his right.

It’s always so different seeing Hongseok at day time. He’s more blinding, his eyes more dazzling and his presence more overwhelming. His warmth, too, is more comforting. Today, it’s different though. All of these are there but to a lesser degree.

“Hey.” He whispers, the intensity of his gaze piercing Jinho to his spot.

“Hi.” Jinho whispers back, his mind working faster than it ever had. Maybe he should take back what he said last night, maybe he should say it, maybe he should say—

“I thought about what you said last night,” Hongseok turns towards the sea, his arms resting on the rails, the wind carding through his brown hair. “Maybe you’re right.”

Jinho releases the breath that he’s been holding and turns to the sea, as well, his arms on the rails.

“I was so scared about confronting the future that I thought having a fragment of the best part of my past would quell my fear, I thought I could even run away from it. I- I clearly wasn’t thinking about your freedom and what you _wanted_ to do,“ Hongseok releases a shaky breath and ran his fingers across his hair. “Love… love is all about creating a space for someone in your heart, a choice that one makes willingly to take in not just your own feelings but also your loved one’s. I’m so sorry, Jinho. I placed pressure on you and neglected your feelings.”

 _‘Best part of my_ past’.

Jinho was about to open his mouth, his heart a heavy stone in his chest when Hongseok grabs his chin and kisses him. It’s slow this time and they’re feeling each other, like imprinting each other in their memories, feeling around, memorizing every curve and edge, slow, slow dance, maybe their last. They break away, their breaths heavy and their eyes glassy.

“I like you, Jo Jinho. I really do. So fucking much. Space… is something that can grow and surely, it’ll be there. For you and only you,” Hongseok smiles, his tears on the verge of falling from his eyes but it seems like they’re holding themselves strongly. “I’ll meet you again, someday. I promise. And maybe then, we’ll both be swimming.”

With that, Hongseok starts to turn but before he could take another step, Jinho grabs the back of his suit.

“I like you, too, Hongseok.” Hongseok turns just in time to see Jinho’s tears start to fall. “See you again soon.”

Hongseok gives him one last, teary smile. Jinho would like to think it’s a smile with a promise and he wants to desperately believe it. They’ll meet again for sure. And with that thought, Jinho returns his smile and Hongseok walks away as Jinho turns back to the open sea.

 

**_viii. “swim swim swim good”_ **

Jinho is drowning.

He can’t breathe, can’t think—can’t sing.

But he is. He has to.

He is singing in this room, the lounge room, on a cruise ship sailing the high seas. He is singing but he isn’t at the same time. He’s opening his mouth, sound forming into words, words trailing along rich melodies and floating in the atmosphere of the room, sinking into walls.

He is on stage, with a crowd in front of him and with ivory keys on shiny black beds beneath his fingers. His fingers are skipping across pristine white keys, tapping along tiny black bars and his feet are pressing on brass pedals. It’s a normal night, he tells himself.

But it isn’t.

Because, maybe this time, he’s learning how to swim a little.

**Author's Note:**

> song lyrics used is from twitter user: @Meltagon_10 ‘s translation. 
> 
> Love is a complicated thing, isn’t it?
> 
> Hello please don’t get mad at me. I’m still working on Wild Ride’s next chapter but had to get this off my chest and out of my head first. And I was kind of losing my writing drive so I’m still practicing and practicing but with different styles. In writing, practicing is key, after all. :) The next chapter for Wild Ride will be out soon, once I get back my writing feels. Thanks for understanding!
> 
> Please tell me what you think by commenting!
> 
> Also, once again, if you want to talk and stuff here’s my twitter account: @jojijiri :)


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